I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
