I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
