My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
