Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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