i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
