I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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