You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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