i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
