whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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