its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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