Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
