is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
