dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
