marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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