He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
