I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
