i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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