WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
