My first STD was from a foam party
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
