Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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