My hand turned me down
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
