I must be too annoying 4 u.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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