Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think i got beer on your cat.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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