I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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