the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
