ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize