I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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