So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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