if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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