we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
