pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
