I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
