drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
