I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
