Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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