We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
