mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
