So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
