Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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