I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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