My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
