literally had 100 drinks last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
