I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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