I just threw up on my dentist
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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