but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
