I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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