Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
pray to the hookup gods
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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