i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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