Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
