I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
