On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
