I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
