you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
