Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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